On The Lookout

What are you looking for?
Your eyes keep flicking around.
What are you afraid of?
What was I afraid of?
Them. All of them. She kisses me again, pulls away and I instinctively look around again, checking for potential danger. Every time.
I am a lesbian Meerkat.
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She thinks it’s cute that I’m so protective but I can’t help wondering if I’m overreacting, how is she so cool about it? It’s sad that I feel the need to look around and make sure that no one is looking, why though? What am I afraid of? Am I worried that we’re offending someone? Am I waiting for a group of angry straight people are going to run at us with pitchforks? I’m not sure… I think mostly I’m looking around to make sure that no one is going to make some smart arse comment. You get used to the looks of disapproval and side eye but I shouldn’t have too. She says not to worry because most people think she’s a guy anyway but that shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Does it?
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Plebiscite Hell

Maybe I’m so overly cautious because I’m Australian? The last twelve months have seen the Australian Queer Community faced with prejudice, snide remarks and in the most extreme cases, violence thanks to a pointless, non-compulsory, non-binding plebiscite which saw the Australian People vote on marriage equality, it got ugly. So you’ll forgive me for being a little jumpy about the PDA’s. I can’t help it. I’m protective, protective if myself as well as the person I’m with and my community as a whole.

I don’t want to be jumpy, I don’t want to have to scout out potential danger, I don’t want too but I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.

Do you feel safe out in the straight world?
Lacey

6 comments

  1. No, my wife is the same way, she gets nervous to even hold my hand. The only place she’s ever been comfortable displaying affection is the gayborhood of a city we live in.

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  2. I live in a country right now where homophobia is much more rife than in the west (Ukraine), and I’m a bit jumpy when outside. We’ve risked it a few times because I forget in the moment but most of the time I’m very careful. Luckily, women hold hands a bunch here as part of the culture so we can do that and no one gives us a second glance.

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  3. Nope not at all. Any time my gf and I are out and about and kiss, I am looking around as soon as we pull away. Never know what crazies are out there…

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  4. I do it too. I live in a pretty progressive Canadian city so generally it’s not that bad, but we have A LOT of tourism here. The other day, my lady and I were checking out one of the more touristy areas and just doing our cute affection thing and the difference in reaction was palpable. Nothing confrontational mind you, but a lot more stares, sneers, and all over disapproval. Most of the tourists are from a specific area that I don’t really need to name (the majority come off of cruise ships so you actually do know where they came from), it’s just sucks that people still act that way.

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  5. Nope I do it too. The weird thing is I’m trans so I grew up kissing girls in public but after I transitioned now I look around.

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  6. Not at all. This is a very common fear/anxiety, and it exists for a reason.
    My gf gets nervous with holding my hand/public displays of affection, and so do I, but we live in a fairly conservative town. I give less of a fuck and will still put my hand on her back/shoulder if we are walking somewhere crowded, and sometimes we both don’t mind and we’ll hold hands and not give any fucks.
    But I still look around and yes am always on the lookout it seems. Hyperawareness or whatever the term is.

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